by Anagarika Chie
A long time ago in Harare, in the days when I first walked home from school alone, without siblings or any older person, I remember how being alone heightened my sensory experiences of the tropical atmosphere. The sunlight seemed brighter, the shades cooler and the tree foliage above so dense. One of these trees was a yellow magnolia with a strong fragrance. In fact, I often paused and stood beneath it, feeling enveloped by the scent and also mystified about its origin. Until one day, I noticed the fallen flowers on the ground and the air filled with pollen and petals. Connecting the dots, I understood the source of the musky and sweet tones. I also decided that although it was like a beautiful perfume, I would hold my breath as I passed under it because the same pleasant scent could also feel overwhelming.
This childhood memory has some parallels with my recent reflections and interpretation of recent events. After the anagarika “ceremony,” I feel much the same in many ways. I like to reflect on the blessings in my life as usual (taking a pause to look away from strife for some time) and take in those blessings like inhaling a fragrant flower. However, one thing that has changed is the type of blessings and the intensity of those that are the same. For example, I used to appreciate having parents and elders, friendships, education, and employment, as well as being in a safe geographical location and in my own space. I still have parents, elders, and friendships, but now also a teacher and sister renunciates – and instead live in the heart of a Buddhist community, in a safe monastery for female monastics. The apparent differences are that my learning no longer exists within an educational system and my decisions are a little less influenced by familial pressures and expectations. There’s more flexibility within the friendships and the safe space I live in isn’t “mine” but “ours.” There’s more of a sense of being free and less of a sense of “me.”
If the blessings are comparable to a scent, I think these changes mean it’s a simpler, lighter and a more delicate one – I don’t feel I need to hold my breath, cautious that the intensity of the beauty will be too overpowering and complex. It’s fragrant, inhalable and I can breathe it in fully. I hope that with this year and season, the blessings and smells gently uplift us all.
